When the lock down first occurred in mid March it did not change my life much. I am retired and have plenty to keep me occupied at home. It was interesting to think that basically the entire world was dealing with this situation. I did have to cancel two booked trips within the U.S. I started making masks for my family and mailing them out. My postmistress told me (while I was masked and standing behind a plastic divider) that 90% of the packages she was processing that week were masks.

At that time I was actually enjoying seeing on the news how the Italians and French were singing together from their home balconies. Then other cities around the world were creating times of “togetherness” by means of music, shouting and activities from their homes. It was empowering to think we really were in this together.

Then I started feeling such worry for all the first responders and I still do. They are so brave. I am pleased with how people have come up with creative ways to honor those on “the front lines.” It will never be enough for all they have done-some of them giving their lives.

I have a wonderful group of friends and we gather together often in Zoom Zumba and Zoom Teatimes and Zoom Cocktail hours. We share our feelings and concerns and are helping each other get through each day.

But, it is mid May and I am noticing my feelings are turning much darker than before. When I venture out for quick trips for groceries and supplies, I see masked people everywhere, but I can no longer see smiles anymore. I so miss that. (I have occasionally seen some unmasked people and I want to scream at them to get a mask!!)

I am reading about states beginning to open up, some even fighting to overrule the stay-at-home laws in place, while expert health officials are warning that this is too soon. My worries, my fears are increasing. I fear for my family which is spread over a wide portion of the United States. I feel helpless. I understand the need to get people back to work—but, oh dear, at such a cost.

I live in a rural Midwestern county where we have had 18 cases so far and no deaths. We have been very lucky. 100 miles away the numbers are in the thousands for both cases and deaths. My town is a tourist destination. I am very fearful when the urbanites start traveling again and come pouring back into town.

I have three grandchildren 6 and under. Just today I read in the paper that Trump is calling for governors to open schools against the expert advise of Dr. Fauci who says that we should move very cautiously especially in regard to our children. (Thank you, Dr. Fauci, for your direct and honest reporting while facing the displeasure of our fearless leader!) This move by Trump comes right while newspapers are reporting a growing concern about a mysterious inflammatory syndrome striking young people. This syndrome is thought to be a consequence of having had the virus. Ugh!

One last notion I have is that politics is taking precedence over common sense, again. I feel for the people who have bills piling up and no money coming in and I hope there is help for them. I truly do. But I don’t want any more medical suffering and/or deaths.

I want to see my family members again, but I will continue to do what I feel is best for them and for myself. I hope and pray for the arrival of a safe and effective vaccine!

[submitted on 5/14/2020]