E.A., 19, a student in Sun City, CA

March 6th, 2020: I am so excited to see my dear friend perform her poem along with a lot of her teammates (she’s part of the spoken word collective on campus), when suddenly, the proctor announces that all in-class classes had been cancelled and moved to online formats. We all cheered with glee; little did we know this was the first change of many which now seem immutable.

I guess a lot of my experience starts around the fact that I attended college in the Bay Area, which was one of first areas to shut down in America. I blame my naivety a lot in hindsight since I really didn’t take it seriously. I thought it wouldn’t be so severe and told my parents, “I’m not coming home, I’m still waiting to see if my Spring Break program was cancelled or not, and if it is, I think they’ll let me stay on campus anyways.” I remember watching the movie Contagion with some peeps around March 21st; little did I know it would reflect reality soon. By the next week, I was one of the last ones to leave campus, and my parents had to drive up to pick me up since by the time I was ready to go, the buses to go back South were cancelled, and I was too scared to go via airplane. I remember the night my parents picked me up vividly:

They got to my dorm at 2 am and had yet to pack most of my things (yeah… I’m a horrible son). So for two hours we just packed all my clothes into garbage bags, along with my knick knacks, photos I’ve taken of my friends, my notebooks, and my many books! In fact, I brought 27 books I rented out from my university since I couldn’t return them since the library closed (I guess you can never have multiple books surrounding the topics of multiculturalism and support of the welfare state and social capital). By 4 am my whole side of the room was empty, with my roommate’s side still filled with his most of his things since he left urgently back to New York with only some of his clothes in his luggage and backpack. We drove back home that same night, meeting the 101 highway once again.

The last time I was on the 101 highway was when my family and I drove up to visit San Francisco the summer after my freshmen year of high school (we stopped by my dream university since it was on the way up to San Francisco, and little did I know I would be attending this university as a freshmen in 2019-2020). It was idyllic; but this time, we were driving away from this place; better said as escaping, since a stay-in-home had just been ordered and they were scared we would be forced to stay there. The hills I drove by in the summer of 2016 were now blending in the dark, and there was no cars in sight for miles. It had felt like my whole life had been drastically changed and I didn’t even experience most of what was changing. While on campus with the changes, I was pretty disconnected from what was happening around me. I guess dining conditions changed, where we were packed lunches and asked to wash our hands many times, and we could no longer eat in the dining halls. However, staying in my dorm, everything felt like before, and I really hadn’t seen the drastic changes happening around me, which I think contributed to my naivety towards the situation.

We stopped and rested in a parking lot in Fresno at around 6 am, and then continued driving back home at 8 am. Back home felt weird; I though 2020 was going to be the first year I was away from home than being at home (that clearly isn’t gonna happen). My family was also wary to be near me since I was coughing a lot (in fact, I’ve been coughing since February, when I got really sick! Sicker than I’ve ever been, that I now think perhaps I had covid19, especially since the Bay Area was hit early). I had to walk around the home with a mask, for 2 weeks and my family would freak if I coughed even once. But things have since calmed since I’ve been here for almost 2 months now. I’ve started to accept the situation way more, and itch to get my life started again! However, despite being a privileged opinion considering the economic and lethal implications of this virus upon people’s lives, I am glad to spend extended time with my family.

I feel as if college has changed our dynamic a lot, especially considering that I’m so far away and financially independent from them; we simply interact with one another in a much mature manner. This doesn’t indicate a decrease in humor or squabbles, but I mean just much more respect, which I’ve seen as a mutual development and one that has greatly made me happier. However, I do find online school so… draining. I have always prided myself in my academic abilities, but online learning has completely stooped me. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if they canceled fall session all together! Start school again in 2021! I am so tired!

I’m exaggerating (well… maybe…), but seriously, this online stuff has really pushed me to the brink. I just hope we get to come back this fall to campus (I’ll understand if we have things to accommodate). I’m not sure though, it’s still all up in the air (mid-May we find ourselves). However, if it is online again, I think I’ll use some money I’ve saved up from work on-campus and stipends I’ve garnered to look to live somewhere else in the fall and maybe look for a job/internship in the area. I would have to monitor the covid19 situation of course! I don’t know, I simply don’t know. My dear friends tell me there’s no point to plan for the future right now since everything is so capricious and constantly changing! And maybe they’re right, but I just can’t help myself. I yearn for my college life: one of freedom, ambition, and individuality. All of which, I feel have been diminished in my time in quarantine (well, I think my individuality still is intact but that’s just cuz of the type of person I am lol). But I digress. I guess, in shorter words, it’s just a very complex situation.

It feels like I’ve been ultimately robbed of many things which I saw developing in my life in 2020. Of experiences, of getting to know some people better, of making memories with friends, especially the birthday my friend and I wanted to jointly host with one another. The month of April felt like I was mourning this; but May feels hopeful. The state is beginning to open up, school is soon ending in 3 weeks, and many trends seem to point optimistically with how opening up hasn’t led to spikes in cases. The world will never be the same after this, and I am so grateful that my family has stayed financially stable during this time (despite the $1000 i gave to my parents in the month of March to help pay their mortgage, but hey! I guess that’s some debt I owed for raising this crazy son lol.)

I have lived through 2 recessions throughout my life; one which took everything away from my family and I at age 9, and one which seems to currently spare us. I am terrified of what our nation will look like after this. I fear of the rise of far-right fascism to plague us due to deprived economic conditions; I fear a second Trump presidency; I fear that our economy will not recover for over a decade. I want to finish this as a thank you to all the essential workers in this nation, including my own family members. I, as a Latino, acknowledge my own privilege to be a college student and also to be paid to work from home, and how this is not the reality for most of my Latine brothers and sisters around this nation; or my fellow black compatriots, indigenous folk, and Asian friends (especially with recent hate crimes rising). This pandemic has ripped apart the façade of what seemed to be a good economy; in reality, this “good economy” was built upon the people who are now disproportionately dying and with no healthcare. I beg my fellow Americans to look at this inequality sternly; why do we have such contempt when we call it out when in reality we’ve pretending like it didn’t exist at all. I have grown so increasingly frustrated to see people think about themselves when I see people that remind me of my father and sisters die on the news for having to work. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I will do everything in my power to put this inequality in front stage. This cannot become a hard memory, it has to be a lesson to America for how we as individuals need to be protected. All love to my fellow BIPOC community members, y siempre viva el pueblo.

[submitted on 5/18/2020]

Life in Quarantine: Witnessing Global Pandemic is an initiative sponsored by the Poetic Media Lab and the Center for Spatial and Textual Analysis at Stanford University.

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